Sep 2, 2011

What Makes A Good Relationship?

      Today in America and many other parts of the world divorce is at all time high. Families are being broken up every day! I am sure you have heard it on the news and see it first hand in your own life, it may be you personally or someone close or not so close to you, chances are you know many people who are divorced or getting divorced. I my self have seen it over and over again in my life.

The divorce rate in America is nearly 50%! And according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology, 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. We have to ask our self why? Why are the numbers so high? In this modern world human beings have created things like Internet, space travel and deep sea exploration and all the other technology we are seeing today.

Yet we seem to be lost in the sauce when it comes to relationships and choosing who we are compatible with to spend the rest of our life together. Choosing a relationship should be a piece of cake and top priority! Sadly it is not and the men, woman, children and future children of the human race suffers greatly for it. What is the cause? There are many reasons why people split up and divorce but I want to talk about the main issue I see. That is compatibility with each other! So what makes a good relationship? How do you find one? The first thing I have seen and experienced my self is the authentic self problem or lack of.

People are getting in relationships way to soon, this leads to creating families and getting married when people are truly not ready. I am not even talking about age here but authentic self knowing who you are, truly! And where you are going. Your authentic self is the person you are created to be, your life philosophy which you live by and what you value in life. If you do not know the answers to these questions then finding a good relationship, a life long lasting marriage will not happen. The old saying opposites attract don't apply here and only leads to problems! We are not magnets! How can you find the right person who you are most compatible with if you don't even know who you are?

Get real with your self first, find your answers to these super important questions. The second thing is communication, which I feel it terribly lacking in our societies. You must ask questions before you get seriously involved with someone. That way you know for sure if this person matches with your authentic self! Based on my experience these are the most important questions that you need to ask.Now!

1. Religion or Life philosophy:

What do they believe?

Is it in line with your beliefs?

You need to ask these questions. If your beliefs are not the same as your partners then forget about it a relationship will not work with this person they are operating on a totally different life philosophy than you and this will only lead to a spiritual disaster, depression and lack of hope for the future. for you and or your partner. The other issue is when kids are added to the equation. What will you teach your kids?

Who's religion or philosophy will you teach to your kids? A situation like this required one or both partners to deny their true self and what the believe in order to make the relationship work, but it is only short lived soon the shit hits the fan! Sure you may be able to work through it and if you are in this type of marriage then you must work it out find out what you can do. With every mistake good can come, you just have to figure it out and it will take lots of work and many many tears! The best thing is just to avoid it in the first place. This is also a good reason why you need to know who you are and what you believe in before you get into a relationship because one day you will have your answers, you will find your self and it won't be compatible with your spouse. This is what happens when couples grow apart and no longer or never did want the same things in life. That is because they never asked questions before the relationship got serious!

2. Family and Values:

Do you want kids?

How Many?

What about birth control and abortion?

You must find out the answers to these questions. Are the answers in line with your own answers, your authentic self? Not asking these questions and not having this information can be devastating for you and lead to serious trouble and divorce. You owe it to your self, your future partner and future children to find out this information before it's to late, and your emotional health and relationship suffers. How would it feel if your wife or husband finally tells you they don't want children when you totally do or woman your boyfriend or husband wants you to have an abortion when you want your baby? Please just think about this and consider asking these super important questions.

3. Money:

Who will work in the marriage and who will stay home if possible?

Will you have joint accounts and who will pay the bills?

Obviously these are not as serious as the others but still very important. If you are a woman and intend on staying home with the kids, will you be supported in that? Will there be enough money for you to do that? These things must be worked out before hand as well. One of the biggest issues married people argue about is money and I feel much of it can be avoided if you just ask!

These are the most important things you need to ask before getting into a relationship or marriage. It is about your life and the life of your future children at stake here and it should have top priority over anything else in life. Sure there is hope if you are already in a relationship where you failed to ask these question, you can still have a good relationship but the questions need to be asked now before the relationship moves forward. Chances are if this is you, you have been unhappy with your relationship for a long time.

Once some things are realized within your self. There comes a time in our life when we do finally find out who we are and what we believe for real. For some it is late in life for others sooner after all we are all capable of not living an authentic life and sometimes we need to experience some things before we truly know our selves. Find out who you are that way you can be on your way to living authentically and sharing your life with someone you can truly be happy with! This does not just apply to you but to your partner as well if both people are living life authentically then there is a super good chance that you will have a long and happy marriage.

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